hey there, you blathering little chunk of flesh cradled in the arms of your loved ones- this is your 31 year old self, writing to ease the pain. Look at you, uncaring, happy - bringing so much joy to everyone around you. You will soon grow, and become a loathsome weak willed creature- who for 30 years would have lived a life based on questionable decisions and morals- until today.... for on that frightful day I am writing to you, there would be a loss so terrible that you would seek to question your life, and where it goes. For ever so long, you would be using the support of everyone around and taking strides so fast, so quick- leaving a wake of people that have been bruised and hurt by your every move. Not once looking back to see the faces of the ones you have left behind. But, losing her, was something you never would have planned on- losing the one person who made an art of bringing sunshine into lives, at every step of her life. That loss, would scar you, so deep that you will change- all the years of pretense, of false humility and false pride- years marked by a foolhardy existence that was fueled by your own egotistical megalomania. Years of pretending to be a false intellectual, when all along, it was just luck....
Hey you, little brat, hiding deep within, it is time you came to the fore, and took charge of your life. Even in death, she will choose to touch you deeper than any person has- wake up, little one, the winter has gone, and the coming spring should be one of eternal sunshine. Exude the warmth she has given you all her life, and bring happiness into the people you have wronged and people you have walked all over to get to where you are. You are not alone, there are several others, a lot more unfortunate than you are- but walk about with a smile on their faces.
Look at you, you 31 year old blackhearted soul, not wanted in either heaven nor hell, it is time to choose- you have made a start of a journey, you have tried to bring control, but to what end? even when you change these events around you, the unhappiness remains- and till the very end, you blame everyone but yourself-
Look at you, you 31 year old shadow- you are as parasitic as the humans you loathe, life is not about purpose but the lack of it. It is speckled with moments of joy that make it worth its while. Give yourself some time, take a week, take a fortnight, take a month, take year- but remember to reward the ones in your life that have made you what you are. Remember the shrew, the duck, the lady with the club, remember the stern voice of your mother, the guarded voice of your father, the annoying voice of reason of your sister and the pixie.... go ahead for all their sakes make a change....
these are the people who have given you life's moments- give them what they most want- and cope with the tremendous loss that has come to pass. That is what life is all about, fleeting moments that you can never grasp on to- a long journey that has no rewards- but at the end of it, makes it all worth its while when you recall the tiny insignificant memories that had for that one instant, made life worth living...
wake up tired eyes, for it is time.. sleep cruel heart, for it will shatter no more- find the pieces and grow it back like a starfish- and wake up to see the beauty that is all around you.
Eremitism!!
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