my descent into madness….

in the mouth of the madness of my own mind- a dark descent into its core. no beliefs, no ideas, only fear… the primal fear of being alone. the madness is engulfing me, and the darkness enters my entrails and creeps into my orifices… the world as brilliant hues- is that possible? when the world is but a grey dying shamble filled with walking batteries that live to serve another master? am i my own master? why do i enter this dark phase and feel no regret and no remorse? the sounds of solitude are welcoming- the echoes of distant footsteps and into an ever receding light that will forever close. darkness engulfs me again my eyes swim adjust to the darkness around me… i see no one, i see nothing, just a blank expanse of the void as it grows within me. fill me says the void… fill me with the banalities of societal wants- fill me with money, fill me with friends, fill me with food fill me with wants, fill me with acceptance- why?
why is this inner voice of the void, asking me to do things that hardly matter- the descent into my own madness is welcoming.. the sound of water.. relaxing me, is there water i hear? do i need this
why do we speak? why do we need this pat on your head- acceptance from everyone, why do we please crowds and not do our own thing ? where are the simple things of our youth? the drop of a dew settling on a leaf, the expanse of the ocean- why is there a need to fill our heads with thoughts of love, of friends, of people, or animals, why do we need this? why are we fucking our minds into believing that all of this has a purpose?
is there a method to my madness? darkness i want it to engulf me- the smoke…. swirling, the lights dancing, is the glass half full or half empty? hah- is there a glass at all?
voices… the voices echo within me- why do i feel this urge to pretend, to be happy, to watch the birds singing?
death, is the only purpose to our lives, the constant- life is a joke by the gods- dying is what we live for- our only gift to our strife in this misbegotten world filled with lies, with deceit, with thoughtlessness. change? what can we change? is there a need to change at all? this fake world filled with fake trees, people's smiles distort into sneers,
food? do we need to eat? why should i eat? whats worth living for? can i experience eden at the brink? a complete change in my life where i try to cling to it? i am going to try… the lost weekend of my life begins
30 days of solitary life… to seek eden.. will i get an eden? is there an eden…. there is none.. eden has died… eden shall crumble just like the world just like our lives just like the last bits of sanity i possess…