hey there, you blathering little chunk of flesh cradled in the arms of your loved ones- this is your 31 year old self, writing to ease the pain. Look at you, uncaring, happy - bringing so much joy to everyone around you. You will soon grow, and become a loathsome weak willed creature- who for 30 years would have lived a life based on questionable decisions and morals- until today.... for on that frightful day I am writing to you, there would be a loss so terrible that you would seek to question your life, and where it goes. For ever so long, you would be using the support of everyone around and taking strides so fast, so quick- leaving a wake of people that have been bruised and hurt by your every move. Not once looking back to see the faces of the ones you have left behind. But, losing her, was something you never would have planned on- losing the one person who made an art of bringing sunshine into lives, at every step of her life. That loss, would scar you, so deep that you will change- all the years of pretense, of false humility and false pride- years marked by a foolhardy existence that was fueled by your own egotistical megalomania. Years of pretending to be a false intellectual, when all along, it was just luck....
Hey you, little brat, hiding deep within, it is time you came to the fore, and took charge of your life. Even in death, she will choose to touch you deeper than any person has- wake up, little one, the winter has gone, and the coming spring should be one of eternal sunshine. Exude the warmth she has given you all her life, and bring happiness into the people you have wronged and people you have walked all over to get to where you are. You are not alone, there are several others, a lot more unfortunate than you are- but walk about with a smile on their faces.
Look at you, you 31 year old blackhearted soul, not wanted in either heaven nor hell, it is time to choose- you have made a start of a journey, you have tried to bring control, but to what end? even when you change these events around you, the unhappiness remains- and till the very end, you blame everyone but yourself-
Look at you, you 31 year old shadow- you are as parasitic as the humans you loathe, life is not about purpose but the lack of it. It is speckled with moments of joy that make it worth its while. Give yourself some time, take a week, take a fortnight, take a month, take year- but remember to reward the ones in your life that have made you what you are. Remember the shrew, the duck, the lady with the club, remember the stern voice of your mother, the guarded voice of your father, the annoying voice of reason of your sister and the pixie.... go ahead for all their sakes make a change....
these are the people who have given you life's moments- give them what they most want- and cope with the tremendous loss that has come to pass. That is what life is all about, fleeting moments that you can never grasp on to- a long journey that has no rewards- but at the end of it, makes it all worth its while when you recall the tiny insignificant memories that had for that one instant, made life worth living...
wake up tired eyes, for it is time.. sleep cruel heart, for it will shatter no more- find the pieces and grow it back like a starfish- and wake up to see the beauty that is all around you.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
The stars
shining above me,
little wondrous beauties,
shining on burning inside out,
the light of things to come,
i awaken moisten glistening
the sounds of birds singing
the beauty that haunts me
where fore you be
ye stars that shine above me
forever young i seek to be
escaping into neverland
with the stars that shine above me
little wondrous beauties,
shining on burning inside out,
the light of things to come,
i awaken moisten glistening
the sounds of birds singing
the beauty that haunts me
where fore you be
ye stars that shine above me
forever young i seek to be
escaping into neverland
with the stars that shine above me
Thursday, February 17, 2011
my descent into madness….
in the mouth of the madness of my own mind- a dark descent into its core. no beliefs, no ideas, only fear… the primal fear of being alone. the madness is engulfing me, and the darkness enters my entrails and creeps into my orifices… the world as brilliant hues- is that possible? when the world is but a grey dying shamble filled with walking batteries that live to serve another master? am i my own master? why do i enter this dark phase and feel no regret and no remorse? the sounds of solitude are welcoming- the echoes of distant footsteps and into an ever receding light that will forever close. darkness engulfs me again my eyes swim adjust to the darkness around me… i see no one, i see nothing, just a blank expanse of the void as it grows within me. fill me says the void… fill me with the banalities of societal wants- fill me with money, fill me with friends, fill me with food fill me with wants, fill me with acceptance- why?
why is this inner voice of the void, asking me to do things that hardly matter- the descent into my own madness is welcoming.. the sound of water.. relaxing me, is there water i hear? do i need this
why do we speak? why do we need this pat on your head- acceptance from everyone, why do we please crowds and not do our own thing ? where are the simple things of our youth? the drop of a dew settling on a leaf, the expanse of the ocean- why is there a need to fill our heads with thoughts of love, of friends, of people, or animals, why do we need this? why are we fucking our minds into believing that all of this has a purpose?
is there a method to my madness? darkness i want it to engulf me- the smoke…. swirling, the lights dancing, is the glass half full or half empty? hah- is there a glass at all?
voices… the voices echo within me- why do i feel this urge to pretend, to be happy, to watch the birds singing?
death, is the only purpose to our lives, the constant- life is a joke by the gods- dying is what we live for- our only gift to our strife in this misbegotten world filled with lies, with deceit, with thoughtlessness. change? what can we change? is there a need to change at all? this fake world filled with fake trees, people's smiles distort into sneers,
food? do we need to eat? why should i eat? whats worth living for? can i experience eden at the brink? a complete change in my life where i try to cling to it? i am going to try… the lost weekend of my life begins
30 days of solitary life… to seek eden.. will i get an eden? is there an eden…. there is none.. eden has died… eden shall crumble just like the world just like our lives just like the last bits of sanity i possess…
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
DREAMS...
The simple dreams of yore, where have they gone? We seem to live in a world cynically, clinically, caustically self-aware, taking each step with so much caution that our dreams become a shade of pale grey, without the colours that make it vivid. What happened to the smile of the first love that brings about a glow that would last a lifetime? what happened to the simple things that brought us so much joy? We measure each step, worrying and hoping it is part of this grand scheme that we plot to enslave happiness into our hapless lives. What happened to the sheer joy of dancing away to a song that takes our fancy? We are all trying to blend with the world around us, instead of painting it and creating our own technicolour dreamland. At one point, a cup of warm tea in the midst of a midsummer rain and a book would define happiness- now its a world surrounded by wires, enslaved to technology- the drug of the 21st century!
Dreams, the more we dream, the more we can hope, the more we hope the happier we get- are we all awake or still awake? our lives have been dictated by society and we live furiously hoping to keep pace with its demands. We all put on our masks, and smile when we do not see the truth in front of us, staring at our faces.
What ever happened to believing in that little bit of magic that would enthrall us? why should we ever grow up- take me away to that nevereverland from where i shall not come back- the chaos around us is beautiful, we should never attempt to understand or make sense of it- why should there always be a way forwards? Sometimes to make true steps forwards we should retrace our steps and head another way-
Do you want to know why we all seem unhappy? a good friend once told me- is because we dont have any dreams to hold on to and live for......
as Edgar Allen Poe once wrote....
Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
The simple dreams of yore, where have they gone? We seem to live in a world cynically, clinically, caustically self-aware, taking each step with so much caution that our dreams become a shade of pale grey, without the colours that make it vivid. What happened to the smile of the first love that brings about a glow that would last a lifetime? what happened to the simple things that brought us so much joy? We measure each step, worrying and hoping it is part of this grand scheme that we plot to enslave happiness into our hapless lives. What happened to the sheer joy of dancing away to a song that takes our fancy? We are all trying to blend with the world around us, instead of painting it and creating our own technicolour dreamland. At one point, a cup of warm tea in the midst of a midsummer rain and a book would define happiness- now its a world surrounded by wires, enslaved to technology- the drug of the 21st century!
Dreams, the more we dream, the more we can hope, the more we hope the happier we get- are we all awake or still awake? our lives have been dictated by society and we live furiously hoping to keep pace with its demands. We all put on our masks, and smile when we do not see the truth in front of us, staring at our faces.
What ever happened to believing in that little bit of magic that would enthrall us? why should we ever grow up- take me away to that nevereverland from where i shall not come back- the chaos around us is beautiful, we should never attempt to understand or make sense of it- why should there always be a way forwards? Sometimes to make true steps forwards we should retrace our steps and head another way-
Do you want to know why we all seem unhappy? a good friend once told me- is because we dont have any dreams to hold on to and live for......
as Edgar Allen Poe once wrote....
Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
Friday, November 20, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Sweating,
Screaming,
Sweltering,
The cold harsh meadows beckon,
Deluding,
Dreaming,
Dancing,
The coming darkness welcoming,
Sleep tired eyes, tomorrow is yet another day
Sleep unto midsummer gloaming,
Slave away you tired soul, tomorrow is yet another day,
Welcome the darkness unto your fold,
Enveloping,
Engulfing,
Embracing,
Sleep tired eyes, unto slumber deep,
Awaken no more-
For tomorrow is yet another day...
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Cat on the Wall
Upon a wall, sat,
A cat as black as can be
Eyes yellow swollen with lust
His tail swaying in distrust…
Looking left,
Looking right,
He sat up
Fur spiked in fright
For, on one side he saw
Darkness as deep as hells maw
Deep as the dark night
Nothing could he see try as he might….
The other was not any prettier
For saw he, to his right,
A world that was white
Looking left
Looking right
With a smug sagacious smile
I’ll stay over here awhile
Though he, his tail wriggling in delight
Why choose thought he
To live in a world needlessly
Its better to be after all
Forever this cat on the wall
Smug sagacious smile intact
He danced oh so very well,
As sudden as the night...
Missed he a step and then he fell….
Smug sagacious smile intact
Looking right looking left….
A cat as black as can be
Eyes yellow swollen with lust
His tail swaying in distrust…
Looking left,
Looking right,
He sat up
Fur spiked in fright
For, on one side he saw
Darkness as deep as hells maw
Deep as the dark night
Nothing could he see try as he might….
The other was not any prettier
For saw he, to his right,
A world that was white
Looking left
Looking right
With a smug sagacious smile
I’ll stay over here awhile
Though he, his tail wriggling in delight
Why choose thought he
To live in a world needlessly
Its better to be after all
Forever this cat on the wall
Smug sagacious smile intact
He danced oh so very well,
As sudden as the night...
Missed he a step and then he fell….
Smug sagacious smile intact
Looking right looking left….
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)